THE PAINFUL DILEMMA

October 2012

Rear with title / Overview of its operation / Details and other texts.

Some sketches and color proofs / Reward for the curious ones / Honorable precursor.

Being an independent creator sometimes means having to go through strange routines that may be destructive or in the end, useful for the creation of something good. After many months of invariably and unwillingly waking up at 4am to think, stretch and condense my ideas (which were absurd at times), I finally decided to create an illustration of a tormented soul with anxiety and thoughts that do not let it have peace of mind: neither during the day, nor at night.

Another important thing is that I wanted to turn the concept into a circle to emphasize that this never ends; a conclusion cannot be reached, no matter what. The only thing that may distract you from this redundant process is finally falling asleep, or needing to be awake and alert when going outside, being careful of your surroundings so as to be able to carry on with everything else without any setbacks.

I am amazed at how these types of concepts and objects almost come to life on their own; I just need to let them happen. The trigger is anguish as a personal experience and maybe as a widespread illness of the human condition.

Later, you go to a store, buy a pair of earrings and they insist on putting them in a little box, maybe to make it clear that you are buying something "new", "intact" and "virginal". Anyone would expect that the moment you open the little box and take out the product you feel like the worthy owner of something gleaming; but to me, lately it just seems like an unnecessary burden of added packaging.

I know that trash doesn't just disappear the moment I dispose of it. It goes to a place where it takes up space, where a process of reintegration begins and whose raison d'être is to accentuate a passing and expendable illusion. This box should be used for something else.

Regarding the colors, I read an incredible book by Nicole Claveloux and thought I would do something psychedelic; although, in the end, I decided not to once I realized that the relatively sophisticated mechanism in the piece may unnecessarily compete with all the colors that I used to give it the feeling I had originally intended. Around those days of chromatic orphanhood, I found a tape measure, something that I use every day. Ever since I can remember, this tape measure had always been at my parent's house. It has modest yet beautiful colors. Most people would confuse it with something old and worn but I love to use it, see it, roll it up and smell it. It is one of those objects that preserves the essence of my childhood.

The piece has a few colors, very helpful so as not to compete with the mechanism of the doll and to pay homage to the past. I love doing that and I hope I continue finding excuses to pay tributes such as this one.

The result of that process; briefly explained here in, is this doll that I present to you here who suffers from a persistent dilemma that is already starting to hurt. It happens to me often and I bet it will happen many more times throughout my life, as I am sure it happens to a lot of people all over the world.

This piece is available for sale at ryan james fine arts here in Washington.